I am so conflicted right now, torn between the intense and overwhelming frustration that raising two toddlers brings with it, and the need to slow down and enjoy each very cool stage that they go through, as I'm more and more aware that this may be the only time I am a parent to a child/children at this tender age.
Did that make sense?
Every possible action, reaction, and interaction with the twins is fraught with chaos and drama. Mealtime begins with sour faces, spitting out of food that was a former favorite, tossing of cups, and swiping of food off the tray with dramatic arm-swinging. Most meals end with me, close to tears, on my hands and knees picking up the interesting and nutritious meals I am trying to feed them, while they would rather have hotdogs and macaroni.
Playtime is always loud, loud, LOUD. Sometimes the squealing is out of delight, but often is because of the antagonizing that one does to the other. Taking toys, pushing (that's a new one), pulling hair, and trying to hijack a favorite ride-on toy. One of their favorite games is to find me laying on the floor, and crawl all over me. Which is really fun for all of us, until someone scratches at my face or rams a toy car into my eye.
Nap time is a saving grace, usually. MyGirl and MyBoy are both good sleepers, once you get past the "Please Mommy don't leave me!" screaming and thrashing.
I contrast all of this with those truly wonderful moments.
When MyGirl reaches for MyBoy with open arms, I cringe. And am pleasantly surprised when she wraps her arms around him, tumbles to the floor, and they erupt in glorious giggles.
When I declare that my children are indeed the smartest 14-month olds in town, because they can respond in the affirmative to such intriguing questions like "Where's your milk/the fan/the cat/Mommy/Daddy/your brother/sister?"
I see such pride and delight in their eyes and faces when they do something right, like complete the stacking ring toy in record time, walk to the end of the hall on their own, or bang puzzle pieces together in time with the music.
MyGirl bent over my belly the other day and gave me a raspberry. I don't think I've ever felt such love.
But I feel like the painful and trying moments are overtaking these wonderful, loving ones. I actually threw food back at her yesterday (which started a food fight of epic proportions). I find myself living my days for nap time, counting down until we can go visit my parents again, and marking the weeks until their two-morning-a-week preschool starts in September.
I'm sure I tend to exaggerate the negatives somewhat, because people tell me constantly that I have two of the best-behaved, happy children they know. And I feel lucky in that way, but want to tell them to come to my dining room at lunchtime and take a look.
I will be the first to admit that I, personally, and stressed and overextended. I have committed to helping out on more projects than I should have, and am now paying the price.
I know it's a stage. But this stage is hard. I had no idea.
6 comments:
It is hard sometimes! As we prepare for a little girl to join us this Sept., I am happy to read your honest accounts of the highs and lows of parenthood.
Mine are 16 months and this stage is really, really difficult. They're beginning to develop wills and ideas of their own and are a whole lot less willing to follow direction.
Yikes, you have me a bit terrified. Everyone says it gets easier around 1 year. At 9 months Sarah is already becoming quite willful -- pulling off her hat as many times as I can put it on, taking her shirt off as I put it on... perhaps you need a very big drop cloth and washable walls and you can let them go at it? I hope things get a bit easier soon (and when they do, tell us about that, too!).
I'm sorry to terrify you, Eva. In retrospect, it is easier in some regards. It's great that they can hold their own cups, feed themselves, walk beside me holding my hand. They sleep well. These are things that I wished and prayed for! But as those things are accomplished, new challenges crop up. And I can no longer set them down with a happy assortment of toys, and expect them to play in one place. I guess the big manifestation of all this new stuff is about me - I'm losing out on precious time for myself, for getting things done, for whatever, because they need to be guided, supervised, entertained, etc. so much more. Which in itself is a blessing, too.
I had a hard time with this age too. They are so terribly cute as young toddlers, but so darn unreasonable, and they don't listen yet, they're not that physically independent, don't share at all, - it's really a tough age with twins, especially. Last summer was really hard when my boys were that age. This summer (they were 2 in late March) is SO much better. While they are certainly "two", they are so much easier physically, and they entertain each other much more. I feel like I'm really starting to see some of the benefits of having twins. I also get so much more joy out of watching their relationship grow. I hope it either gets better or you get some respite! It's not you it's them, and it's not forever.
It's such a mixed bag of increased independence and yet a need for more guidance, isn't it? Too tired to make much of a coherent comment, but you have my empathy.
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