I am *so* not a joiner ...

It is with cautious trepidation that I tiptoe down the path into motherhood. In trying to find a transition between business-owner-career-woman I am and at-home-mother-of-two I will become, I found myself in a place I'd never thought I'd be.

A Mothers of Multiples group meeting. Support meeting!! Snacks!! Followed by a program -- board games!!

A newish acquaintance offered me a ride and an introduction to the group, which I had heard from another twin mom described as "the worst sorority meeting you can imagine." I gratefully accepted the invitation, as I knew I'd never manage to show up on my own. Other friends and acquaintances passed along information from friends who had said it was a great group to get involved with, so I had some positive validation.

All in all, it was a good experience (although we both, very gratefully, ditched out before the game-night began). There was a group of about 8 expectant mothers, with a really nice group leader. When talk turned to a bitch session about husbands (not from me, of course. J is perfect :-)), she got the discussion back on track and tried to turn it into a positive discussion.

Ahhh... the infertile in me never sleeps. I am amazed, although I shouldn't be at this point, at the amount of misinformation about infertility that is out there. One woman commented, with the utmost authority, that most multiples that are the result of IF treatment and IVF are identical. Didn't you know?

Oh no, I interjected. Let me explain the basics about how identical twins are usually formed (one egg splits to make two babies.) And then let me explain how fraternal twins are typically created (multiple eggs are fertilized and implant). I'm aware of the complex variables that go into my simple explanation, but just wanted to put the basic facts out there for this crazy-ass woman. I'm living IVF proof, I exclaim, thereby immediately outing myself as an infertile among a group of fertile ladies with nurseries full of children already at home.

I wanted everyone to know that this wasn't easy. I was the only one in the group who was having her first child/ren. I needed for them to know. The hostile infertile rears her ugly head.

To which the group leader transitions into a discussion about how, in this group, you're free from the nagging questions about how your children were conceived. It doesn't matter. Yes, in reality, it doesn't matter. But in my world, it does. Not totally sure why, but it really matters.

I had a strange thrill last week, when at a cocktail party, a friend/acquaintance asked me quietly who my specialist was. Knowing totally what she meant, I told her all about my RE, what I liked and didn't like, about his partner, the nurses, etcetera. I didn't need to ask the how, why, what of her situation. She quietly volunteered that infertility wasn't a surprise to her and her new husband. They knew they would be interviewing REs and just wanted some scoop before her upcoming consultation. And while I hate it that she's found herself in this undesirable situation, I was quietly delighted that she confided in me for information.

Back to my current transitional world ... I did enjoy the meeting. There were a lot of people who are "like me" and even more who seem to reside in a totally different world (although we all live in the greater metropolitan area of a not-huge city). I can see where the benefits of this group might lie, and know that I can be a total joiner, a drop-in kind of person, or I can just show up for the semi-annual yard sale. Whatever works. If I can figure out what that is, exactly.

* * * * *

If you've hung around long enough to read this far, I thank you for persisting. As a reward, I will pass along the news at which I hinted in my last post:

This One has a penis and That One has a Vee-Jay-Jay, as Dr. Bailey from Gr*y's Anat*my would say.

And I am thrilled. Duh.