So I Know This Girl...

A few years back, a woman with whom I was friendly shared that she and her new husband were trying to get pregnant. It was right around the same time that we began trying, and we were both unsuccesful. We bonded over the angst of infertility.

We had a falling out soon after -- actually, she had a falling out with me, as I stood by shellshocked and surprised by her undeserved (in my opinion) anger with me. The friendship was over, and I was very hurt, but determined not to let it upset me any further. We have mutual friends, and in the beginning, she would simply ignore me should we all be in the same room or event.

Time passed, and obviously infertility continued for us both. When in a group setting, she began to acknowledge my presence, and I was glad. I thought there must be some serious pain in her life, and perhaps her blowup at me was a manifestation of something much bigger.

I have never thought that our friendship would be rekindeled, and that's okay with me, although I wouldn't push her away -- I think she's a genuinly kind person with a lot of good qualities. More time passed, and I became pregnant with our first IVF attempt. She has remained cordial during the few times I've seen her, and I know that must be hard, as they are still in the throes of fertility treatments. I don't know anything for certain, but I suspect they have done quite a few IVF cycles, and might have experienced some losses.

She is having a transfer on Friday. I was included in an email that had previously included correspondance with her husband, in which he mentioned the event. In receipt of this knowledge, I wanted to do something. I didn't know what, but I hated to know that they would be going through yet another trying ordeal. And I wanted her to know that I know, and that I was hoping for the best.

I knew I couldn't call her ... that would be a ridiculously awkward thing for both of us. So I sent a card, a simple "thinking of you" sentiment in which I wrote a short note that I would be keeping her in my mind on Friday, and wishing for good things.

I had a hard time finding a card that was just right. Most were too sappy, and too presumptuous for a tentative non-relationship like this. Or they were too clinical, referring to medical illnesses and such. I think that something like this really does have a place in our world.

With butterflies making a nest in my belly, I sent the card off yesterday, and anticipate that she'll get it today or tomorrow. I'm nervous that I did the wrong thing. I came by the information by accident, and know that it's none of my business. But reaching out just felt like the right thing to do.