Perhaps it's a form of reverse discrimination, but I always make strong assumptions that if you have twins (or more), you must have been through infertility treatments. Or done fertility as I hear some people referring to it.
I know, I know, it's not true. I have friends with twins created a la natural, I have friends with twins created in the lab. But still, anytime I meet someone new or hear of someone with twins, I just think, "Ahh.. one of us."
Last week, I participated in a focus group, sponsored by a local hospital group. The subject was the multiple birth experience, including any antenatal care, the actual birth, and postnatal care. Most of the women in the group were part of the local m*thers of m*ltiples group, and were acquainted with each other. When the facilitator asked the group of fifteen or so how many did fertility (I really dislike that phrase), I was surprised to be one of only THREE who raised my hand.
I really just kind of thought that more of these pregnancies would've involved ART. Or perhaps this type of group (m*thers of m*ltiples) doesn't attract us infertile types, who prefer to hang out with our friends inside the computer. (I'll admit it, I've been a few times, and never really feel like these are "my people." But to each his own.)
It's so odd, the assumptions one makes. I am often frustrated and insulted when people, including perfect strangers, deign to ask me if I did ART/IVF. It's none of their business. Yet I'm not ashamed or embarrassed. I'll certainly tell the truth if I think it really matters to the person asking, but not if I think they are asking for their own gratuitous knowledge.
But here I am, making reverse assumptions, even though I know intellectually that they are incorrect. I'm not sure why I do it ... perhaps looking for solidarity among those who are so few and far between. Or just quiet about it all.
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The compulsions are overwhelming, consuming, and keeping all those involved from sleeping.
I wish it was something crazy or sexy, but no, the problem is crawling and standing.
I'm so frustrated right now, I am ready to tear my hair out. Or the very sweet little mohawk that adorns the head of MyGirl.
During waking hours, she is all over the place crawling, standing, pulling up, hanging. If it's available to climb, she's all over it. Naptime is another story. I'll but both babies down when they show signs of tiredness (which is usually around the same time). MyBoy is super - a cuddle from me, a snuggle from BlueBear, and all is well. Butt is up in the air and sleep is near.
MyGirl also displays sweet affections towards PinkBear and kisses from momma. A sly grin as I turn, and she's off! Pulling up and peering through the spindles into brother's crib, trying out all of her new vocalizations. I leave, thinking after a few minutes, she'll tire herself out, and finally sleep. It goes on and on. And on. Today for 45 minutes. She'll pull up, hanging onto the spindles, eventually screaming because she is so tired, but doesn't know how to detach herself and get down. I'll lay her down, eyes will immediately close as she tries to wiggle herself into a comfortable position. But no more than one minute later, she's back at it. This vicious cycle goes on and on. And in between each cycle, she wakes up her brother, who is luckily able to return to la-la land with a few shushes and pats from me, but isn't really having a restful nap.
I was so good getting them onto a regular schedule when we were just breast/bottle feeding. They were like clockwork, and food and naps (three a day) were always on time. Now that they are eating food, as well as bottles, and we're down to two naps a day, things have just gone to pot. It's only been two weeks since we dropped the third nap, and we are still trying to figure out a new schedule. But I am frustrated to all ends.
Is the inability to stop crawling/standing/pulling just a normal part of the developmental cycle. If I could hear her thoughts, I think they would go something like this:
"Must ... keep ... trying" (pant, pant) "Must ... pull ... to top ... of crib" (pant, pant) "Must ... watch ... brother ... must ... disturb ... brother" (pant, pant) "No pain ... no ... gain .... Must .... keep ... trying ....."
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Edited to add:
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Of course, I find a completely appropriate answer to my question at the bottom of this Ask Moxie post. I should've just checked there first. Such a font of knowledge...
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3 comments:
If it is any consolation (which I know it is not) I am going through the exact same thing with the roles reversed. My Girl sleeps like a champ. You described my son's naptims performance to a T in your post. I too got a little over confident in the schedule sleep thing - what happened to my regularly scheduled naptime??
I also assume the same thing about other Moms of multiples. Not fair but true. My guess is a lot of those moms in your focus group were lying their ass off. I have not found any kindred spirits in my mom-of-multiples group either. Its more my fault than their's - I was never a sorority, organized group activity kind of person.
I've read that at times of developing new skills, babies often have sleep problems as they try to work through mastering those skills (perhaps that's what Moxie said, I couldn't get the link to work).
Although we're not there yet, I anticipate similar problems from my daughter (and perhaps not my son). Now at 4 1/2 months her big thing is that after I nurse her before bed, she looks up and grins and grins as if to say, not yet ready for bed yet mom, if I'm charming enough, will you play with me?
Whoops! I fixed the link.
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