After years of infertility and IVF, we've finally seen light from the other side. I knew it could happen, but certainly didn't think it would be us ... our new life with twins. Gulp.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

How to Stick Yourself in the Ass With Finesse & Grace

There are so very many ways to do this, and I read up on the techniques of many experienced women. This is the Laura Technique. Feel free to copy, imitate, and share with your closest friends.
  • Remove the progesterone from the fridge, and lay out with other supplies (needles, alcohol pad, sharps container) in the location where you'll administer the shot. I like the bathroom with a counter and mirror.
  • Place middle finger on your hipbone, and stretch your thumb back to encircle your hip. This is the spot. Circle it with a pen if you like. I like pink marker.
  • Grab your favorite bag of frozen vegetables (I seem to favor sliced carrots), and secure them in the waistband of your pants, with the pressure on the injection site.
  • While your bum is on the cooling cycle (allow 10-15 minutes for this), load up your progesterone, switch out to a new needle, and set the whole apparatus in the room where you"ll be injecting.
  • Walk away. From a purly psychological standpoint, I find that staring at the offending needle just impedes my progress and brings my nerves to a dizzying high.
  • Spend a few minutes straightening up, feeding the cats, or working on a distracting task. Take care that the circle spot is getting plenty frozen. It may be uncomfortable, but is sooo worth it in the end.
  • Return to The Room, and run the syringe under hot water for a few moments.
  • Pull down your pants, and swab with alcohol. Turn so that appropriate butt cheek is facing the mirror. Twist backwards.
  • Using your left thumb, stretch down the skin just south of the the circle
  • With the needle in your right hand (assuming you're a righty like me), take a deep breath, and quickly plunge it into your skin. Aim for the bullseye.
  • Exhale. You're almost finished.
  • Depress plunger. It goes much slower than your other injections.
  • Once the juice is all all out, just leave it in for a second. Pull straight out. Press tissue on spot to absorb any blood.
  • CONGRATS

In addition to achieving the functional goal of delivering life-nourishing nutrients to the potential child within, administering this shot to yourself does have additional benefits. For micro-managing control freaks like me, it preserves my sense of independence and power in a totally out-of-my-hands situation, and is a real ego boost.

When confronted by a Smug Fertile, chatting on and on about her "Ooops" pregnancy, you can remind yourself that while she would flee with terror at the mere prospect of sticking a huge needle straight into her tucas, you did it just fine, and with a smile on your face, and the expertise of a surgeon.

3 comments:

S said...

Woot!! Thanks for the info-my best friend, who's a nurse, usually sticks me in the ass (payback's a bitch, right?), but it's good to know that I can do it in case she can't.........you ROCK!

Sheryl said...

Way To Go Laura! I'll be remembering these instructions as I start my injections in December :)

LL said...

good for you! It IS something to be proud of!
fortunately I didn't have to inject, just squirt crinone up my hooha everynight.