Grow Vibes

Perhaps I've been lucky enough to have had painfree experiences so far, but that changed today.

Uff! Ouch! Grrrrrr! Watch it with that wand, buddy!

I was squirming and grimacing all over that doggone table this morning. Which is ultimately a good thing, since it means there were enough follicles and that they were big enough to be bothered by the coochie-cam, but jeez, was that uncomfortable. I know, I know, it's nothing compared to what's coming, but allow me to wallow for just a bit.

I went out last night with friends, and as soon as I stood up after exiting my car, I could feel that jiggly-overstuffedness. It was kind of hard to keep myself totally upright, and found myself hunching occasionally to give those ovaries a break.

After my previous IUIs, where I tracked the size and shape of everything going on inside of me with scientific precision, I've taken a decidedly less obsessive route during all of my IVF ultrasounds.

I certainly pay attention to all fo the numbers and measurements, but I'm not writing them down while Dr. Pleasant is still wanding about. I will jot them down later, if I remember. I realize, now, that I can't control these numbers, and I can't control the success of this cycle.

I can contribute, but I cannot control. I can make sure I take my medicines on time. I can show up prepared and full of questions at my appointments. I can make healthy decisions about what I eat and drink. I can try to keep a positive attitude and think baby-making thoughts.

So, I can recall that, as of this morning, my lining was about 8, I think. On my left ovary were about three follicles, one at 17 ("This guy's jumped ahead of the pack!" exclaimed Dr. Pleasant, in a rare show of enthusiasm), and the others 8 to 10. My right side was chock full, with maybe 9 or so follicles. A few were up around 17, a few around 10 and the rest inbetween.

Dr. Pleasant seemed happy with it all, and thinks that we'll be well within his normal expected range of 5 to 15 at retrieval, which he is anticipating will occur on Monday.

My least favorite part of the post-wanding chat occurs when Dr. Pleasant asks when was the last time J. and I had "sexual relations" and I have to answer, meekly, "This morning." When I really want to shout "Two hours ago! But it wasn't really fun! It totally hurt! I swear, it wasn't fun!" Why I feel embarrased talking about sex with the man whose seen more of my VJ in the past week than J, I don't know. Wierd.

I have another appointment with Dr. Pleasant's partner tomorrow morning, and my guy said he'd let me know by 5 p.m. whether to go ahead with the HCG or to take one more night of Follistim and push the retrieval till Tuesday.

I'm crossing my fingers for Monday, since I've planned out my week based on that date. However, if those follicles need another day to get prepared for the big game, I can deal with that. God knows I can't control it.